Ganesh's Website (click to go to Home, or, if you're stuck in a frame) Ganesh's Website Wacky Logo
left right
Visit the Forums and post your questions there! Search Ganesh's Website using Atomz or Google! Please Sign the Guestbook! Bookmark Ganesh's Website E-Mail Webmaster

Ultima VII: The Black Gate/Serpent Isle > Cool Stuff & Humor > What a Ultima Addict Will Really Do

What a Ultima Addict Will Really Do

You asked for it. Here it is. :) (I think this is all of them sorry if its not ;))

-When you try to unlock your house, you try each and every key of the 100
 that you own until you find the right one.
-You think the combat scenes on Braveheart are in slow motion

-You back away from any/all farmers carrying hoes.

-You search deer carcasses for food.

-You think the magic carpet on Aladdin is unrealistic because it doesn't
 have any chairs

-You name your children after characters in Ultima

-You think the combat scenes in Robin Hood are unrealistic because
 nobody gets hit from "friendly-fire"

-You carry an abacus with you to count your money

-You begin to worship serpents.

-You can decipher those Ophidian Runes without referring to the chart.

-You are afraid to go into thunderstorms because you might be turned into
  a parrot.

-You try to find the Serpent Pillars on a map.

-You go to a foreign money exchanger and ask for Monetari.

-You start carving snakes onto every wall you come across.

-You start to LIKE fawnish ale.

-You think that somewhere there is an island populated solely by cats.

-You hear the voice of the Great Earth Serpent.

-You wonder why you didn't fall asleep when you went into the swamp.

-When you go to a friend's house, you open every dresser drawer and desk 
 in sight.

-Your first aid kit contains garlic, ginsing, bolts of cloth and metal 

-When an idiot driver cuts you off on the freeway, you do not cuss; you 
 yell "VAS FLAM CORP!" instead.

-You stagger to the bar after downing 5 beers in 5 seconds and insist you 
 can drink 2 more without puking.

-You think saying "Name." is a proper introduction.

-You eat a stick of butter for dessert. 

-Your house lacks bathrooms.

-You have ever engraved Brittanic runes onto anything.

-The title of this post made you scream, "That's impossible!"

-When you are poor, you try to rob a store, and when police
 gets you, you try to 'restore the game'

-You try to save your game before a math test

-You ask people how long they want to sleep when they go to bed.

-You insist that Antarctica doesn't exist (see Ultima 2).

-You own a large sword.

-You try to enchant said large sword.

-You SUCCEED in enchanting said large sword.

-You expect bread to rise in 5 seconds.

-You check behind your fireplace for secret doors.

-You try to open a moongate with a moon rock from a novelty store.

-You own green cheese.

-You expect time to freeze when you open your backpack.

-You HAVE a backpack all the time.

-You never bathe, yet women fall for you all the time.

-When you step outside, you expect the world to zoom out.

-You sing "Yo Eyoh He Hum"

-You can't sleep in a bed (see Ultima 6).

-Your hair is yellow.

-You eat whole legs of ham in one bite, including the bone.

-You eat the bottles when drinking wine.

-When you go to a fancy dinner, you expect a Deamon Roast.

-You go around to each house in your neighborhood trying to open doors.

-If said doors are locked, you try to open them with each key on your

-If said doors are still locked, you try to pick them.

-If picking fails, you try to magically unlock them.

-If that fails, you mutter "odd that did not work" and move on.  Because of
 this behaviour, you've been to jail 7 times this month.

-You grind your mother's pearl necklace to prepare it as a reagent.

-In desperation, you bought a bottle of Ginsana because you could not 
 find any ginseng.

-You are with a group of friends and you insist to carry all the money and
 valuables.  Sometimes you feel the urge to ask your friends to leave the
 party momentarily.

-You sit at your desk at work pressing the spacebar repeatedly to
 make the day go by faster

-You go to McDonald's and buy 200 burgers, because you know that
 Gremlins always get their share

-When your boss annoys you, you mystify him by chanting 'OHM'

-You poke twice on someone before you talk to them

-You enjoy the company of paladins, bratty kids, and old men

-Someone dies and you say "Oh, that's alright, L.B. can handle it!"

-You are capable of carrying a whole body in your backpack, regardless of
 its size

-You are angry when you can't find "Stones" at your local music store

-You have a circle of rocks in your backyard

-Whenever you walk into your house, the ceiling disappears

-You wear a red cape

-You're in a conversation and you stall because you can't see any
 highlighted keywords

-You are wary against people wearing blue triangles on their necks

-You talk to mice

-You try mixing and casting spells in your chemistry class.

-You succeed.

-You've ever taunted somebody w/ "I've got the key!"

-You quote the Guardian in fitting situations (say, hypothetically
 speaking you're driving along and the person in front of you is
 obviously clueless [driving 10 mph, stopping for no apparent reason, etc]
 and instead of cussing, you say "Do you KNOW where you're going...")

-You can remember all of the runic "double letter" characters (th, ee,..)
 but don't remember English rules like "i before e except after c"

-You've ever laughed at the weenies in various adventure books that
 had a hard time beating a small band of orcs ("Why don't they just
 use Tremor, and be done with it?")

-If your plan to rob a bank includes killing everyone, leaving town,
 and then reentering, knowing they will all be alive again and totally
 forget what you did

-If you ever tried peering into a gem and were disappointed when you
 didn't see anything special

-If you have ever avoided swampland for fear of getting poisoned

-You find yourself getting much stronger from jumping up and down

-You kill children and are not penalized in any way

-You look up at the night sky and wonder where the second moon went

-You believe that a special brand will allow you to walk on lava

-You get really upset when somebody spells Blackthorn as Blackthorne

-When Halley's comet and Levy-Shoemaker came around, you thought
 the Shadowlords had come back.

-If you talk to every horse you come across, trying to find Smith.

-If the horse answers.

-If you're not sure whether or not a dream you're having/had is really
 *just* a dream (see SI and MD)

-You forgot your homework for class and quickly yell "Spam spam spam 
 humbug!" when it doesn't appear, everyone in the room is looking at you
 like you're not of this planet

-You are able to dress and undress in about half a second

-You have a blue carpet in your garage

-You wish the United States was a monarchy

-You write to your friends in Britannian runes

-You walk like a mechanical doll

-Whenever you get a paper cut, you wonder why you didn't flash red

-You abandon your religion to take up the path of the virtues

-You are able to start a fire in about half a second

-You are able to navigate a boat by just sitting in it

-You're afraid to touch your computer, 'cause it might explode.

-You try to hackmove innocent people into your backpack.

-Your class ring makes you invisible.

-You try to cast spells off of your chemistry homework.

-You take notes in Britannian runes.

-You think the moon changes phases every two seconds.

-You see two moons.

-You mutter "IN LOR" when it gets dark.

-You see a secret door.

-You're not afraid of death, 'cause LB will revive you.

-You've ever eaten green cheese.

-If you look through a telescope, you can see the other side of the world.

-The world isn't round.

-You can paint a masterpiece in four clicks.

-You're reading this somewhere in Britannia.

-When you begin talking like Thalamus [a dragon renowned for speaking in
 ye olde engish] all the time...

-You can't get your keys off of your keyring.

-Your friend offers to give you a ride and you refuse to enter the car 
 until you see proof that your friend owns it.

-All of your books have less than 20 pages.

-You talk about how life on Mars influenced the writings of Mark Twain and 
 H.G. Wells in your English Lit class.

-You change a baby's diaper just so you can save the old diaper "for 

-You think a person who says, "I'm off to the Rat Race." is going to 
 Buccaneer's Den to gamble.

-You go to a trial and wonder why there isn't a large marble statue of a 
 naked lady in the courtroom or why the judge isn't a mage.

-You spray blood at the slightest injury

-You wish you could use Aerial Servants to do things for you
 (fetch things, sharpen pencils, refill beer glasses)

-You don't ever move objects in your house for fear of irrevocably hiding
 them behind the north and west faces of walls

-In an effort to make things cease to exist, you drop them into pools of

-You practice the above with people (in-laws, bratty children, door-to-door

-You avoid drinking anything green for fear of poison

-Your room decoration is based on pentagrams

-You go around eating all the mushrooms you can find

-You eye fishermen carefully and ask them to perform miracles

-try to steal food from a Mac Donald's drive-in

-attack a guard to get keys

-jump out of a boat, trying to build a bridge of ships

-You decorate your christmas tree with ankhs

-You are discouraged when you can't find Hubert's Hairaising Adventure at
 your local library

-You kill that annoying mosquito with a sword

-You wear armor to work

-Whenever you go to the beach you're just unable to get into the water

-You are actually able to read the ophidian language without a translation

-Your computer melts

Even In Chaos, There is Order

Voluptalbilis Dragon

Let the darkness come for you Avatar...

Please click here to sign the GuestBook! Your Comments WANTED!


Ganesh's Website - Planescape Torment, Ultima VII: The Black Gate, Ultima VII: Serpent Isle, Ultima Underworld I: The Stygian Abyss, Ultima Underworld II: Labyrinth of Worlds, Laughter HELL!, Windows XP Frequently Asked Questions FAQ, Installing Windows XP from DOS and Windows XP Review at

All original content is Copyright(©) 1997-2002 by G.Ganesh. By viewing this website, you agree to the Terms of Usage.